Offbeat Video: Let’s See What Al’s Up To
Yeah, we don’t know either.
Sand Castle from Hell
I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but as awesome as this sand castle is it’s still kind of missing the point of building sand castles. Unless, he’s got an equally huge monster truck to smash into it once he’s done.
Offbeat Video: Football, America, and Jesus
Football, America, and Jesus
Football season’s just started, and here’s an appropriate tribute to the sport for anyone who’s not exactly a fan. Safe for work, unless you happen to work at Focus on the Family.
Offbeat News: A Segway to Death
The owner of the Segway company drove off a cliff and died yesterday, while riding one of his company’s two-wheeled scooters. Jimi Heselden, 62, was patrolling the grounds of his sprawling estate when he apparently lost control, went over a cliff, and into the river Warfe in North Yorkshire, England.
He is survived by thousands of the two-wheeled abominations of the nerdy-looking machines. Here’s a related story.
Daily Video: Indigenous WTF
So we don’t speak… err… Portuguese? Consequently, we have no idea what’s going on in this video. However, neither do the indigenous tribesmen that are, for some reason, featured here. It’s as if they were just rounded up at gunpoint for trying to stop someone bulldozing their rainforest, and this is the torture to which the evil corporation is subjecting them.
Seriously, look at that one guy’s face… he’s traumatized. You know, we, as a species, sometimes suck.
Dirty Movies; Silly Titles (99% Safe For Work)
Of course, if you work at the Puritan Bible Factory, yeah, this probably isn’t safe for work. But then, why would you work there anyway?
Veteran adult film actor Ron Jeremy plays a much more convincing Super Mario than he does Indiana Jones.
The winner for most obvious and unfunny title for an adult film goes to…
Wait, this isn’t the original?
You… shall… not… pass on this excellent film.
C- for failing to incorporate a Two Towers reference.
Special cameos by Dick Van Dyke.
True story: Jimmy Stuart was an Air Force bomber pilot. That has nothing to do with this film, we just thought it was cool.
More work inspired by George Lucas’ films.
Ok, so we get the “friction” bit, but we’re pretty sure we don’t want to get the “pulp” one. Or maybe we’re just reading too much into it.
Strangely enough, we suspect it’s impossible for Tom Cruise too.
Except Rick Moranis, for obvious reasons.
Well someone was going to do this, we just wonder if it starred “Tom Spanks”.
A genuine classic. Unfortunately there was no Queen soundtrack.
You really don’t want to know.
Ok, we have to give credit where it’s due; not for the title, but for the tagline.
I’ll never let go Jack! Jack: uhh, you’d better, that kinda hurts.
This title gets a solid F. Seriously, at least they could have incorporated a mafia theme or something.
Wow, she really looks like Gillian Anderson. Ok, enough with the posting… stuff to do. *whistles*
Daily Video: Ultimately, the United States did Win the Vietnam War
And this video is irrefutable proof:
War is hell.
Hardcore Chinese Bikers
Again with the China stuff, OBEditor!
Shut up, your grandkids will be speaking Putonghua anyway unless we can get our crap together soon.
Anyway, we’re not talking about the Shanghai chapter of the Sons of Anarchy. Heck, how hardcore do you have to be to turn the throttle and keep the rubber side facing the ground?
No, these guys are more hardcore because, seriously, when was the last time you saw a biker in the US pedal half a ton of office furniture down the street? Oh, that’s right, never.
Here you go, play this while you look at these pictures for the full effect:
Daily Video: This Panda is Not Playing Around
Chinese Knock-offs
What’s up Mr. Offbeat Editor, is this China Week or something?
No, it’s just that we find it hilarious that despite being around for thousands of years, culturally, China is like a big, awkward teenager just discovering the world. Why are you looking at me blankly, did I lose you?
Ok, think about it: China, up until recently, was a pretty isolated country, in a cultural sense. Sure, they had the occasional Italian trader trek across thousands of miles to pick up spices and little porcelain cat dolls, but the culture never really evolved from these contacts with the outside world. Heck, until recently the most dramatic cultural import (aside from Communism), was when the British addicted a huge portion of their population to Opium.
But now that “The Dragon” has started dipping its toes into the waters of Capitalism and international trade (not to mention currency manipulation, *grumble*), it seems to have found that to be a much more powerful addiction… the same one western countries have: buying cheap crap.
Blah, blah blah, why are you giving me a lesson on global economics? Where are the funny pictures, asshole?
Ok ok, here you go.
Oh yes, the PolyStation. Why “play” video games when you can… uh… “poly” them?
Well will you look at that, the fat kid got his own brand of shoes. Who says having an embarrassing viral video doesn’t pay?
Man, if only someone could actually trademark the word “Like”. Actually, I’m sure Facebook is trying.
I dunno, LGG makes good jeans, but I’ve always found that WRGGLR fit better…
Johns Daphne may not have been from Tennessee, but he makes his whiskey for the sensitive man. There’s no wife beating going on in a Johns Daphne drinker’s house!
Johnson Waiter is a damn liar.
Screw Armani, Armwni clothing is made of win and pwns you.
The #1 best selling product of all time, now has its own clothing label. (Too obscure? Read it aloud.)
I think “Cerono” is Spanish for “sends you to the bathroom frequently” and Chinese for “We have our own cheap beer drinking Gringos, thank you very much”.
Unlike the original, these knockoff cookies are really easy to separate into wafer and cream filling; no challenge whatsoever.
Boos, a fragrance for people who write bad captions for photographs on an Internet blog.
Wait a minute…
♫ Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame… you give clothes… ♫
“Monica Sun” is a much more colorful name than “Chuck Taylor”, even if he was the president of Liberia. Conversely, Ball Star would imply that people actually wear shoes like this to play sports, instead of jockeying coffee for tight-sweatered hipsters.
This is what happens when you employ someone with a stutter as supervisor of the embroidery section.
